Honoring The Queen: A Birthday Tribute to My Mother

Today’s post will be a little different.

This Wednesday, October 1st, would have been my mom's 85th birthday. It's also, in one of those beautiful coincidences that feel like more than a coincidence, the 6th birthday of my cats Tina and Joe—but that's a whole other story for another time.

When I write about grief on this blog, I'm often drawing from research, from participants' experiences, from the broader landscape of how we navigate loss. But today, I want to share one of my biggest "griefs"—the loss of the woman I called mama, but who some knew as The Queen.

My mom, Elease Whitney, went to be with the Lord on January 13, 2016. In the days after her passing, while everything still felt raw and impossible, I wrote a brief synopsis of her biography. I needed to capture her story, to hold onto the fullness of who she was before grief could distort or diminish the details.

As I approach what would have been her 85th birthday, I want to share the essence of that biography here. Not just as a memorial to her, but as a reminder that behind every grief story, every loss I discuss in my research, every participant who shared their pain with me, there is a full and complex life that mattered deeply.

This is her story. This is The Queen.

Elease Whitney: A Life Lived Fully

Born in the small town of Swainsboro, Georgia, on October 1, 1940, Elease Whitney began her journey through life. Elease was the oldest daughter of Orzia Woods, a farmer, and Gertrude Woods, a homemaker. Orzia and Gertrude had a total of 6 kids: Clarence, Joseph, Paul, Orzia Jr., Elease, and Ernestine.

Early Life

On Elease's birth certificate, both of her parents were listed as "Negro." Growing up in that era, in the South was not easy for the family. In addition to racial inequalities, social injustice, and poverty, the kids were expected to work, and many times work on the farm—specifically for the boys—was put above schooling. Elease, as a young girl, shadowed her mom in the kitchen, learning how to make classic southern dishes, pies and cakes. She also learned how to sew. Although as a young girl, she was committed to helping her mom take care of the house and her siblings who came after her, she also daydreamed of a different life. One where she could release her creativity.

Elease & William and the Creation of "The Queen"

She also dreamed of her own family. Shortly after graduating from high school, she met and married William Fields. William came from a "well to do" Black family and was from Chicago. Ultimately, Elease and William's lives transitioned to William's family home in Chicago. In June of 1961, they welcomed a daughter, Ruby.

After every effort to work through marital challenges, the marriage between Elease and William hit a rough patch.

Feeling a lack of success as a wife and mother, Elease channeled her beauty, creativity, and love for music and movement, and began a dancing career in the mid-1960s. She made her own costumes and took her act on the road. Her stage name was "Queen." Her travels took her to New York, where she met the likes of Ike and Tina Turner, as well as Malcolm X.

Ultimately, the marriage between William and Elease dissolved. Elease remembers "fondly" her divorce in 1967, as she hiked through mountains of snow during the Chicago Blizzard of '67, the worst snowstorm in Chicago history, to the courthouse to get her divorce, only to find out that the courthouse was closed! "That's how much I wanted to divorce that man," she laughed as she told me that story.

For the next few years, Elease was a single mom, trying to do the best she could for her daughter, Ruby. She took a factory job as a seamstress with Hart, Schaffner Marx, a clothing manufacturer that's still open today. Although she wasn't designing clothes, she faithfully worked there for years.

The Love of Her Life

In the mid-1970s, she met a little man named Clarence Whitney at a club on the South Side of Chicago. For Clarence, it was love at first sight, as he told her he was going to marry her the night they met. They dated, and Clarence's premonition ultimately came true. In 1974, they wed at Chicago City Hall, reportedly by a minister who knew the ceremony words by heart, and therefore held the Bible upside down. Elease wore a simple yellow suit. Clarence was the love of Elease's life, and Elease was the love of Clarence's.

Elease and Clarence loved to entertain and party. There are countless photos of house parties, club visits with friends and family, everyone dressed sharp in classic 70s garb.

On August 4, 1976, 15 years after Ruby was born, Elease and Clarence welcomed a baby girl, Michele.

Career: "Elease of Chicago"

Elease and Clarence went through hard times, but stayed committed to taking care of each other and their little girl, Michele. Clarence ultimately took a job with the United States Post Office as a mail carrier.

Over the years, Elease worked in various industries, while also remaining true to her passion for sewing and designing. In the mid-80s, she launched her own design label called "Elease of Chicago." She worked with a model named Shawn McBride and he became her design muse. Shawn introduced her to the LGBTQ+ community, where, despite her conservative upbringing, she was not only a design trailblazer in the community, but a fierce advocate and ally.

Elease was also a dedicated volunteer within her church community. Her and Clarence joined St. Stephen's Lutheran Church, where she taught Sunday school and became an advocate for children in Chicago’s southside community, integrating her love of design and fashion into celebrating the beauty and development of children. Over the years, she produced many fashion shows where kids could not only have fun, but express themselves in creative ways and honor their inner beauty.

One of Elease's missions in life was that of caregiver. In the late 80s, Clarence's mother (Elease's mother-in-law) began to battle Alzheimer's disease. Elease cared for her in the home until her death in 1989.

Jessica & Michelle

During that same time, Elease's first daughter Ruby welcomed two baby girls that she named Jessica and (Little) Michelle. Her granddaughters were the light of her life. One of her favorite things was being grandma to Jessica and Michelle.

Unfortunately, Elease's oldest daughter, Ruby, passed away in 1995 at 34 years old. Ruby's daughters were 4 and 5 years old when she passed away. At that point, Elease and her husband, Clarence, adopted her granddaughters, and they legally became her actual children.

After caring for Ruby, Michele, her mother-in-law, and her granddaughters, she cared for Clarence when he became ill in 1997. Unfortunately, she lost the love of her life when Clarence died in 2003.

Later Years

In the same year of Clarence's death, Elease's daughter Michele adopted a cat who she named Samson. Elease had disliked cats for most of her life, but for some reason bonded with Samson, as he became her "grandcat." The bond between Samson and his grandma was one of great emotional healing and laughter for Elease.

Elease spent the years after Clarence's death as the matriarch, the feminine heart and soul of her family in her little house in the south shore neighborhood of Chicago. Speaking reflectively of her intent to stay in her house as she aged, and not going to any kind of retirement or institutionalized setting, she stated, "My husband worked hard for us to have this little house. This is my home, and this is where I'm going to stay." She supported her children through many life changes and challenges, and continued to support them as she became ill.

Death

Elease had battled many health conditions over the years, but became seriously ill at the end of 2014. Her children cared for her in her home. She ultimately went to be with the Lord on January 13, 2016, due to various health complications.

Happy 85th birthday, Mama. The Queen lives on in every story I tell, every person I try to help understand grief, and every moment I remember what it means to love fiercely and live fully.

And when Samson—her "grandcat" who she loved despite hating cats her whole life—crossed the Rainbow Bridge in 2020, I like to think, well, I’m pretty sure…she was there waiting for him. ❤️